


I'll see you in our dreams

by Ima1



Category: Elyza Lex (Fanverse), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/F, lexark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ima1/pseuds/Ima1
Summary: “You’re real,” the woman says in a perfect mix of wonder and confusion, and Alicia quickly recovers from her own shock, rolls her eyes, steps forward, and smacks her right in arm with all her strength. Granted, it’s not much, but it’s the intent that counts.“Ow, shit!” Maybe-Clarke protests with a yelp. “The hell was that for?”“For burning three hundred of my warriors alive!”“That was a dream!” Maybe-Clarke says indignantly and Alicia just raises an eyebrow at her.*Or, Alicia dreams of a life as Lexa and Elyza dreams of one as Clarke, and when they meet in their dreams they also do in real life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hope you like this. Let me know what you think :)

Obviously, it was too much to ask to be able to live out the end of the world in a quiet place with minimal infected encounters and bonus points if there was a shower.

 

Definitely too much to ask.

 

Naturally, Nick just had to go on being Nick and their mom just had to lose her shit if her precious baby wasn’t safe. Even though it was his own choice to leave them. Even though Alicia was right _there_ , since the beginning, but clearly something went wrong in the genetics department because she came out with a heavy dose of the invisibility gene.

 

Fucking figures.

 

But no, having a whole hotel for themselves with land to grow food and plenty of water to drink and shower was clearly an unnecessary luxury. Almost as if those perks came about in great amounts lately. As if the world didn’t freaking go to shit and finding a new place to live was the easiest thing in the world, just a stroll in the neighborhood away.

 

No. Of course not. Alicia couldn’t even have two full weeks of peace before her mom went Nick-shit crazy and decided to broadcast their hotel like it was some freaking free for all Black Friday deal.

 

For fuck’s sake.

 

And now they had a bunch of people holed up in the garage like they were freaking asylum seekers while the rest of them tried to avoid being overtaken. Like the idea of sharing a huge, ridiculously vacant hotel was too scary. As if keeping people in the garage instead of giving them a room is going to win them brownie points for hospitality instead of a bullet to the head for assholery.

 

Honestly. Adults and their limited brain usage would be the death of her.

 

And not only did they have a bunch of refugees in their garage, there were new people strolling in every day trying to get taken in.

 

Which is how Alicia found herself on one of the patrol shifts at the gate. Trying to prevent a person-by-person invasion to their massive, perfectly roomy, hotel.

 

When Alicia hears the motorbike from afar, she squints as she tries to see who’s approaching this time, drawn out by the bigger-than-life light sign. Her heart races, hands tightening on the gun she really doesn’t know how to use and would much rather never have to learn.

 

Gabriel, next to her, tenses up, both of them exchanging a look that betrays their murderous inclinations toward one Madison Clark, the sin of matricide be damned.

 

But then, the woman approaches, all swagger as she gets off the bike and strolls to the closed gate, blonde hair slightly dirty but the flecks of pink still visible at the tips, sunglasses on which she effortlessly pushes back on her head, and Alicia just...freezes.

 

Because she knows that face.

 

In fact, she dreamed of that face last night, woke up feeling a weird sense of longing, breaths coming out a bit harsh, and an uncomfortable sensation between her legs which made situations like those the _very_ _reason_ a shower was a prerogative in this apocalyptic world and why her mother went up two spots in her “sacrifice to infected” list for her stunt with the lights.

 

The woman, Clarke her dream memory provides, just looks at her with equal amounts of shock, her bright blue eyes nearly bulging out.

 

Much to Gabriel’s protests, and to her own astonishment, Alicia unlocks the gate in a flash and the woman takes a step in.

 

“You’re real,” the woman says in a perfect mix of wonder and confusion, and Alicia quickly recovers from her own shock, rolls her eyes, steps forward, and smacks her right in arm with all her strength. Granted, it’s not much, but it’s the intent that counts.

 

“Ow, shit!” Maybe-Clarke protests with a yelp. “The hell was that for?”

 

“For burning three hundred of my warriors alive!”

 

“That was a dream!” Maybe-Clarke says indignantly and Alicia just raises an eyebrow at her.

 

“Well then, why don’t both of us just head on out to the nearest psych consult to look for an explanation on collective dreams,” Alicia snarks and then promptly turns around and storms off, confused as to her own visceral reaction to the blonde but she’ll be damned if she lets it show.

 

* * *

 

Gabriel seems to have decided that Maybe-Clarke is not a threat because he didn’t kick her out (Alicia is maybe a little bit glad for that but she’ll be infected food before admitting it) and now she apparently has non-garage privileges because she’s found her way to Alicia.

 

And here she thought a pier surrounded by floating infected would be a deterrent to unwanted visitors. Wishful thinking.

 

“Lexa?” Maybe-Clarke starts tentatively as she sits next to Alicia, though far enough away to avoid another hit to the shoulder, Alicia vaguely notes with amusement.

 

“It’s Alicia,” she clarifies, though hearing that name come out of Maybe-Clarke’s lips in that slightly reverent, slightly scared tone leaves an uneasy feeling in her gut. It feels right, that name, but it also doesn’t. “Clarke?”

 

It probably isn’t her name, not in this...life? Reality? Awake state?

 

Maybe-Clarke shakes her head but smiles. “Elyza Lex.”

 

“ _Lex_?” Alicia looks at her and wants to laugh hysterically. “Elyza Lex? As in _Lexa_? Alicia Clark? Clarke?! Oh, this has got to be some major inside joke for the universe gods!”

 

Elyza laughs along, the same tinge of hysteria lacing her voice but then they both lock eyes and just...stop. And the smile growing in Elyza’s face is something beautiful to watch and Alicia’s own lips reflect hers and there’s this... _feeling_ growing inside her, a warmth that feels oh so familiar but that at the same time is something she was missing her entire life without even knowing.

 

Elyza inches closer and Alicia lets her, doesn’t even let out any snarky remarks as Elyza’s leg comes to brush hers wholly unnecessarily yet completely welcome for some mysterious reason.

 

“Well then, Alicia Clark,” she drawls, emphasizing her last name, “How about we make some memories of our own?”

 

And then Alicia snorts and rolls her eyes because, did she just?

 

“Please tell me this is not the level of dorkiness I’ll be subjected to from now on?”

 

“Oh, you’ll be drawn to my charm in no time, doll.”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes again but can’t properly contain the smirk that’s starting on her lips. She also refrains from acknowledging that she maybe already _is_ , and has been ever since that damned dream where the wide-eyed girl walked into her tent.

 

* * *

 

The accent is strange, Alicia notes as she’s lost in thoughts about not-Clarke-Elyza, but she finds that she actually likes to hear the Australian tilt in her voice, and then decides that she doesn’t actually care, as long as she gets to hear that voice.

 

Which are obviously thoughts that she will never admit to out loud.

 

Clarke burned three hundred of her people! And then she just strolled into her tent and tried to deceive her with wishful bargaining and emotional manipulation. Granted, they did end up saving hot almost-dead guy (Lincoln, her dream consciousness supplies), but still! It’s the principle of the thing.

 

It doesn’t matter that Elyza is too gorgeous for words and that Alicia realized she’s actually not completely straight just by seeing her in a dream. It also doesn’t matter that they seem to have this weird dream connection. Nope.

 

Alicia is done trusting strangers, even beautiful ones who ride up on a motorcycle like they’re in some type of movie and may be incredibly charming and are actually incredibly badass with dealing with the whole infected/end of the world detail.

 

Actually, she is _especially_ done trusting those types of strangers. She’s had one too many bad kidnapping experiences.

 

She decides to keep her distance from said beautiful blonde who also appears to her in her dreams. It’s best not to get too close in these dangerous times.

 

* * *

 

Turns out she’s not that successful at keeping her distance.

 

Mostly because Elyza is a major pain her ass who is constantly trying to flirt her way into her good graces. And, okay, maybe Alicia is not as opposed to that as she might let on.

 

Whatever.

 

At least her mom’s weariness toward strangers makes it a bit harder for Elyza to get too close. But at times she’s not too sure she likes this. Not when she keeps dreaming about her.

 

“So,” a husky voice drawls seductively and Alicia just rolls her eyes in anticipation of whatever is about to come out of Elyza’s (pretty) mouth. “Been dreaming about me lately?”

 

Yup. She was right. Preemptive eye roll was definitely necessary.

 

And Elyza just has to pair up her remark with a ridiculous eyebrow wiggle.

 

Alicia rolls her eyes again for good measure.

 

“Unfortunately,” she replies, her side glance revealing a smirking Elyza. “But it’s not really you, as we’ve established.”

 

“I know, I’m way more awesome,” she says smugly.

 

Alicia refrains from commenting. She might agree with that, mostly for the fact that at least _Elyza_ didn’t kill her people, but Lexa seems to have forgiven Clarke and is definitely developing a bad case of the horniness for her.

 

Ugh. She really hates her dream persona and her double life sometimes. It’s so not compatible with having clear-cut feelings.

 

“Clarke is brave, though.” Alicia turns to her, surprised at the serious tone in Elyza’s voice, a rarity in and of itself. “Killing Finn wasn’t easy for her.”

 

Alica gives her a sympathetic look. “I know. It’s a trait you seem to share,” she tells her, and Elyza smirks.

 

“I knew I was your favorite,” she says with a wink and just laughs it off when Alicia rolls her eyes and heads back to the hotel.

 

* * *

 

Alicia is in a particularly foul mood courtesy of her dream life.

 

Being Lexa in her dreams was never easy, and Alicia has had years of hardening her heart along with her counterpart, trying not to let the hardships of Lexa’s life affect her.

 

Needless to say, it’s easier said than done.

 

After Costia died especially, her dreams were a torment and, she’s not sure why it happened, but she’s thankful that they sort of sped up and she skimmed over a few years, making Lexa a few years older than her now. It was more than welcome, the pain now slightly duller, a bit more bearable.

 

Dreaming is supposed to be a reprieve from life though, or so everybody says. Funny joke. Clearly not in her case.

 

Now, not only did Clarke bring her the news that Anya is dead (and her heart hurt so much at the mention of it she’s surprised Lexa kept her composure as well as she did) but Gustus also betrayed her and Lexa had to kill him. Her own bodyguard, her _friend_.

 

So yes, Alicia is in a fucking bad mood because she just wishes this would stop. Or at least that she could have one day of blissful dreams.

 

But Lexa’s life has never been that easy.

 

“I’m sorry,” Elyza says and Alicia startles, immediately fixing her face and glaring at the horizon to pretend she didn’t just jump a little in fright.

 

“The rooftop is off limits,” she dryly remarks.

 

“Didn’t stop you,” Elyza teases her lightly but Alicia ignores the gentleness of her tone, preferring to focus on glaring at the ocean in some vain hope that it’ll take her pain away.

 

Elyza sighs and sits down beside her on the edge, feet dangling carelessly down over the wall.

 

“She cared about him, right?”

 

Alicia purses her lips and feels that alien pain tighten her chest. She wants to cry. All she does instead is nod tersely.

 

It’s not her pain, she shouldn’t be feeling the loss ( _losses_ ) so much. But she does. These people, part of Lexa’s life, have also been a part of hers for practically her whole life.

 

“He was her guard since I can remember,” Alicia finally says and Elyza sucks in a sharp breath. “We were— _She_ was really young, with no family but the other nightblood children and Gustus… He was…” _like a father_ , she thinks, and her heart breaks further for Lexa.

 

“They’re both losing important people,” Elyza notes and Alicia hears the same deep tinge of sadness in her tone for Clarke’s loss. “Anya, Finn…”

 

Alicia hums in agreement, gaze still steady ahead but her fidgeting hands betray her.

 

“Anya was like an older sister, she taught Lexa so much. I don’t know how she didn’t break down crying when Clarke gave her the braid.”

 

“She’s strong,” Elyza notes, and Alicia sees from the corner of her eye how she turns to face her when she says it. “Clarke is struggling with guilt, though. Seeing ghosts…”

 

“Finn?”

 

“Yeah. She didn’t… She didn’t really love him, there was barely time for that, but she could have.”

 

Alicia nods and feels a strange pang of _something_ in her chest at the thought of Clarke loving someone else.

 

“I just wish they’d get a break,” she says with a wry chuckle. “I don’t think this qualifies as beauty sleep.”

 

Elyza’s sad smile slowly grows into her trademark smirk and Alicia is already rolling her eyes in anticipation.

 

“You don’t need any help from sleep in that department, doll, you’re just straight up gorgeous as it is.”

 

“Shut up,” Alicia tells her with a chuckle and a fond eye roll and Elyza lets out a small laugh.

 

She takes a deep breath then, finally feeling her chest lighten, and if part of it is because of Elyza’s calming presence, well, at least there’s an ocean view to blame it on, not the smart-mouthed blonde next to her.

 

* * *

 

Alicia is having breakfast with her mom, Strand and Ofelia when a furious wave of blonde storms through the dining room and starts smacking Alicia on her arm, not with her full force, thankfully, she bruises really easily and it is not a pretty sight to have a blue arm.

 

“Ow! What the fuck, Elyza?” Alicia exclaims, getting up in a flash to escape the furious avalanche.

 

Her mom and Strand take a second to recover from the shock but then they’re both on Elyza, pulling her back but the woman is raging, outraged glare pinning Alicia to the spot.

 

“What the fuck, Alicia?! What the _fuck_ were you thinking?!” she yells, Strand holding back her arms to stop her from hitting her again which is what it looks like she wants to do. “‘ _Leave me_?’ Are you fucking kidding me? You wanted me to leave you to _die_?” she fumes and Alicia’s eyes widen, remembering how determined Clarke had been not to leave her behind to that mutant gorilla. ( _Pauna_ , her inner Lexa corrects.)

 

“What the hell are you talking about, Elyza?” her mom asks, full on mama-bear mode on.

 

“It’s okay, mom. You can let her go, Strand, it’s okay,” she adds when she sees that Elyza is calming down, though her eyes are still ablaze. She takes a step closer to Elyza and the blonde instinctively closes the space between them and wraps her arms around her.

 

Alicia huffs out a breath in surprise but then immediately sinks into the hug, breathing out in relief. It feels…right. Like it’s where she belongs.

 

She doesn’t really recognize herself anymore, where the heck are all these feelings for a practical stranger coming from, anyway?

 

“I’m okay, we’re both okay” she whispers and Elyza takes in a deep breath and squeezes her harder before letting go and taking a step back, suddenly uncomfortable with the show of emotion in front of her family. Who, by the way, are all staring at the two of them like they’ve lost their minds, which Alicia is inclined to agree with.

 

“I’m sorry, Alicia, I didn’t…” she shakes her head and bites her lip in embarrassment at her outburst, regret coloring her features when she glances and her arm. “Just don’t do that to me again.”

 

Alicia nods, though she knows very well that it’s not a promise she can keep because Lexa has a tendency to face dangerous things on a daily basis, as well as a proclivity to attract assassination attempts.

 

For real, it’s been a stressful past few years since Lexa became Heda. It’s not like her dreams were a walk in the park before, but at least she could mildly relax. Now she has the weight of the world on her shoulders the minute she enters dreamland.

 

Elyza leaves, then, still looking embarrassed but now also a bit confused at her actions, and Alicia is faced with a horde of mom’s concerns and Strand’s suspicions and Ofelia’s weariness and she’s got no real explanation for them.

 

In moments like these, she kind of wishes she could be Lexa and just shut them up with the rise of her hand.

 

Maybe she’ll try it one of these days.

 

* * *

 

Confusing is the understatement of the year for this new turn in Alicia’s life.

 

Not only does she now have to conclude that she was, in fact, having some weird dreams about an alternate reality her whole life, but she also has to reconcile the woman in her dreams with the woman in her reality.

 

They’re not the same, Alicia knows this, just like she and Lexa are not the same. But they are similar. All of them.

 

And Lexa…Lexa is definitely transitioning from having the hots for Clarke to having some sort of feelings for her, even as she so stubbornly tries to convince herself that her heart died with Costia.

 

And Alicia…Alicia is trying very hard not to let Lexa’s budding feelings for Clarke confuse her very much non-feelings for Elyza.

 

Because she most assuredly has none.

 

That would be ridiculous.

 

Just because she’s stunning and a total badass and funny and charming and smart and sexy and… No. She definitely doesn’t have any feelings for Elyza.

 

* * *

 

That’s it.

 

Alicia has had enough of her mother’s complete disregard for her.

 

Now Travis had to come back and killed three guys and they’re supposed to what? Just up and leave and head toward the infected? With no supplies or any idea of where to go? All because people just can’t seem to act like decent human beings and avoid killing others?

 

When did it become too hard to simply act with a conscious?

 

“No,” Alicia repeats more firmly, Elyza hovering by the window, keeping an eye out for the others, and Alicia, weirdly comforted by her mere presence, draws the rest of her strength from her.

 

Her mom just stares at her, utterly confused, as if it had never even crossed her mind that Alicia would choose to not follow them, to be anything but the obedient child who did everything she was supposed to. As if she would ever act like _Nick_.

 

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “It means no, mom. I’m leaving because they probably won’t let me stay here after what Travis did, but I am _not_ going with you.”

 

She’s not actually sure where all this new-found defiance is coming from. Maybe it has something to do with Lexa’s stronger presence in her dreams, maybe it’s because she’s simply fed up with them never asking her anything before choosing to screw up her life, or maybe…maybe it’s because of the woman who has barely left her site for the past week and who is looking at her with a mix of curiosity and pride.

 

“Alicia…”

 

Alicia just shakes her head and takes a step back. “No. Not this time. I am not letting you ruin another good thing for me.”

 

“You cannot possibly—”

 

“I’m serious. I’m not going. I am done.”

 

Her mom’s eyes just widen, and she thinks maybe she channeled a bit of Lexa to her stance because her mom looks at her as if she’s seeing her for the first time.

 

“No. I won’t leave you behind.”

 

“You have no choice unless you plan on dragging me by force. I am not going.”

 

“You can’t just… We might never find each other again!”

 

Alicia feels her chest constrict at that but sets her chin stubbornly. “Pick a city.”

 

“What?”

 

“Pick a city. In one year we’ll all meet up there. Pick a city.”

 

“Alicia! That’s not— I will not leave you alone! You’re my daughter.”

 

“I won’t be alone, mom,” she says, head instinctively turning to Elyza who’s eyes widen but then gives her a small, reassuring smile, and her mom looks at both of them like they’ve completely lost it. “Just pick a city, mom.”

 

Her mom argues on and on but Alicia is unrelenting in her decision and there’s no convincing her otherwise.

 

They end up settling for Los Angeles, some weird sort of masochism it seems, but they want to see what happened to their home.

 

Mom and Travis leave in the dead of the night with a stolen car and Alicia pretends she doesn’t watch them leave from the back of Elyza’s bike, and Elyza pretends she doesn’t notice the tears on her face.

 

Alicia holds on tightly and then they’re off.


	2. Chapter 2

Alicia finds the parallels only slightly amusing, but mostly infuriating.

 

First, some asshole snipers try to kill both Lexa and Clarke, while she and Elyza have to get rid off (extremely polite way of saying Elyza put two bullets in their heads) their own pair of assholes who tried to kill them while they slept.

 

And then, the missile hits TonDC (Elyza was _furious_ with Lexa, and in turn Alicia, perhaps more so than Clarke. It was quite the sight) and back in their world, they have to fight through a horde of infected as they make their way across the border into the US.

 

And not only that but then there have to be _feelings_. Which are _so_ not helping. Anything. At all.

 

Because Alicia and Elyza spend every waking minute together with quite a large amount of time allocated to forced body contact, whether when they’re riding the bike or when they’re sleeping and huddling together for warmth and protection.

 

(Obviously not because it feels really good to cuddle each other to sleep. Definitely the other reasons.)

 

So there’s not only that, but also Elyza seems to be even more determined to flirt constantly with her, and Alicia, _unbelievably_ , is starting to be a little less put off by it.

 

(Alright, fair enough, she never actually _was_ , but, details.)

 

And now feelings. The last thing either she or Lexa need.

 

But at least _Alicia_ has the decency to not go around kissing hot blondes just because their lips look especially kissable and their eyes are a beautiful shade of blue and they make her heart flutter in her chest like it’s trying to bring to life some disgusting romantic sonnet.

 

The same cannot be said about Lexa.

 

Oh no. Lexa just _had_ to give into her feelings, never mind all that yadda yadda about love being weakness and pretending to be a stone-cold bitch.

 

Yup. Freaking fantastic. How the hell is Alicia supposed to open her eyes now?

 

Not to mention that she’s particularly curled up in Elyza’s protective embrace and the woman shows no signs of intending to let her go with her dignity unscathed.

 

Alicia takes a deep breath and prepares herself for a full day of Elyza’s smugness coupled with a good dose of awkwardness on her part.

 

She opens her eyes and carefully tries to pry Elyza’s arm away from her waist, only to have said arm hold her stronger and closer to her body.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

This is definitely _not_ what she needs. She really doesn’t need to be pressed even closer to a very curvaceous body who makes her just want to— Nope. Not going down that train of thought.

 

She huffs out a frustrated breath and decides to just go full on bratty teenager on the situation.

 

She unceremoniously pulls Elyza’s arm away and gets up, angrily stomping toward the bathroom of the empty house they found for the night.

 

_Screw you, Lexa!_

 

When she comes back Elyza is already awake, though still lying lazily on the bed, and she gives her that smug smirk which Alicia was sure she’d have to suffer through.

 

“Yeah, yeah, Lexa kissed Clarke, get over it,” Alicia glares at her and heads over to the kitchen, leaving behind a chuckling Elyza.

 

Elyza strolls in (note: with even more swagger than usual) some time later and sits down opposite her on the breakfast island.

 

“So,” she drawls coyly and Alicia just rolls her eyes in annoyance.

 

“Just a kiss, Lyza, don’t let it get to your head,” she snarks and Elyza huffs out a laugh.

 

“Good kiss though, I knew your lips were as soft as they looked.”

 

Alicia groans loudly. “Don’t be an ass. That wasn’t us.”

 

“Sure felt like us,” she says with a brow wiggle and Alicia wants to strangle her but she’s also dying of mortification and her cheeks are burning with heat because she remembers just how much it felt like them.

 

“Well it wasn't,” she says dryly, “Don’t start getting ideas.”

 

Elyza’s eyes flash with something but it’s gone too quickly for Alicia to read.

 

“They deserved a little break from the madness,” she says and Alicia is startled at the change in tone. It sounds almost…wistful.

 

She just nods and takes another bite of the canned beans.

 

“Clarke rejected her,” she mentions softly, avoiding Elyza’s eyes for some reason.

 

(It might have something to do with the fact that it felt like _she_ had been rejected along with Lexa.)

 

Elyza looks sympathetic and also a bit annoyed when Alicia looks back up at her.

 

“She’s an idiot,” she says with a small smile. “Not everyone can be as wise as me, love. I’d never turn down a pretty thing like you,” she adds with a playful wink and Alicia rolls her eyes again but can’t quite contain the smile in her lips.

 

“Cocky.”

 

“You love it,” she teases and Alicia just huffs in annoyance and focuses on eating her food, a much more important thing than letting her brain wander with thoughts of plump lips and cocky smirks and infuriatingly attractive blondes.

 

* * *

 

“This reminds me of home,” Alicia says, a haunted note lacing her words.

 

They’re in a suburb somewhere in Texas and the cookie-cutter houses leave her with a weird pang in her chest. All her life, she just wanted out. Now that she doesn’t have it, though, she misses it. She could go on some heavily philosophical tangent about wanting what you can’t have and not appreciating what you had till it’s gone but… it’s too depressing a thought. The world is forever changed, time to get on board.

 

Elyza looks at her and smiles sadly, reaching for her hand which Alicia gratefully allows her to take.

 

They have a thing for rooftops, it seems, so, naturally, they’re precariously sitting on the roof of their house for the night. The cool wind is a pleasant reprieve from the heat of the day and their journey through the neighborhood in search of supplies.

 

Lexa left Clarke at the mountain a few days ago and, paradoxically, Elyza has been clinging even more to her, barely letting her out of her sight.

 

Alicia had woken up with tears in her eyes and a broken heart, and the look on Elyza’s face let her know her heart wasn’t the only shattered one. She wanted to hate Lexa, but she understood. Besides, Lexa hated herself enough for the both of them already.

 

Since then, Elyza barely mentions her dreams, only that Clarke is lost, and, almost as if to compensate, she seeks Alicia constantly.

 

Alicia leans on Elyza’s shoulder and rests her head, Elyza’s strokes on her hand soothing her.

 

“Maybe we can stay here for a while,” Elyza whispers, trying to comfort her, and Alicia’s heart melts a little at the gesture.

 

She nods and takes a deep breath, letting the bright night clear her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

They’re doing a sweep of an upscale neighborhood some twenty minutes away from their house, hoping that they’ll find some supplies there.

 

So far, they’ve come up with a few cans of beans (if it’s the last time she has to eat them it’ll be one time too many), some extremely necessary tampons (having female anatomy in the apocalypse is not the best combination, she must say), and a couple of guns and a shitload of ammo (hurray 2nd amendment lovers; she chooses to ignore the Confederate flag she saw in the home office and hopes those fuckers died as infected food).

 

They move on to the next house, the last one on the block, and Elyza bangs on the door to draw out any infected that might be inside.

 

They wait for a bit, straining their ears to hear any sounds but, when none comes, Elyza pulls out her home-invasion kit as she calls it, and has the door open in the blink of an eye. Where she learned all these skills Alicia doesn’t know, and is not sure she _wants_ to know, but is very glad that they exist.

 

Elyza does a quick sweep of the house just to make sure that it’s actually empty and Alicia clutches her ax more firmly, adrenaline coursing through her with such familiarity she almost doesn’t know what it feels like to live without that constant undercurrent of fear anymore.

 

Elyza comes back down with a lazy smile on her lips and Alicia releases the breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

 

“All clear, doll, let’s see what we can find.”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes. “I’ve told you to stop calling me that,” she huffs out and makes for what she hopes is the kitchen. It’s actually the guest bathroom, though it looks as big as her old house’s kitchen. She tries the other door and hits the jackpot.

 

“But you’re so pretty and perfect, just like a doll,” Elyza teases with that infuriating smirk of hers.

 

Alicia sniffs haughtily and just focuses on opening up each cupboard door.

 

“Aha!” she happily exclaims, a huge grin plastered on her face when she turns to Elyza and shows her the cupboard full of food.

 

“Score!” Elyza quickly moves over to the pantry and when she opens the door she releases another happy cry. “Fuck yes!”

 

“Oh thank god, real food!”

 

Alicia can barely contain her happiness, a pantry full of food!

 

(Dear lord, what has the end of the word turned her into? Some kind of middle-aged housewife who gets excited about the prospect of a full pantry, clearly.)

 

They eagerly start filling their bags with everything they manage to get in them. When there’s possibly no more space, or arms, to carry the food, they sloppily slide down to the floor and share a brilliant packet of chocolate chip cookies.

 

“Can’t we stay here?” Alicia asks in between heavenly bites.

 

Elyxa tilts her head in thought, humming lightly.

 

“Better not,” she ends up saying. “We might not be the only ones looking for supplies in the neighborhood and we don’t know what the infected situation here is. Better stick to our part of town, at least we’ve been safe so far.”

 

Alicia pouts slightly and Elyza laughs at her, a fond look in her eyes.

 

“I don’t wanna leave all this food behind, Lyza,” she says with a longing look at the still partially full pantry.

 

“I know, Leesh, we’ll come back to get some more.”

 

Alicia smiles and scoots closer to her, her full belly making her sleepy.

 

“Don’t you sometimes wonder what life has turned us into?” she asks after a moment of silence, Elyza’s fingers caressing her arm making her hum in contentment.

 

“Sure,” Elyza replies. “It’s all about survival now. We’ve been reduced to our baser instincts.”

 

“I think Clarke was right,” Alicia sleepily hums. “Life should be about more than just survival.”

 

“She’s usually right,” Elyxa says in that cocky tone of hers. “It’s a trait we share.”

 

Alicia narrows her eyes playfully at the smugness in Elyza’s face.

 

“Yeah, right,” she scoffs. “You’d be lost without me.”

 

Elyza chuckles and quickly pecks her on her cheek, leaving Alicia slightly dazed.

 

“You’re absolutely right, love.”

 

* * *

 

They go back to the house for a second run of supplies, eager to get as many as they can while it’s safe.

 

They fill up everything they can and then they start heading out to the bike, Alicia leading the way while Elyza locks up the house in the hopes of keeping it stocked for a while longer.

 

Alicia is strapping the bags onto the bike when she hears the distinctive growling of the infected and she huffs out in exasperation.

 

Is it really too much to ask to be able to have _one_ infected-free day? Is it?

 

It might have something to do with constant exposure, but these days her attitude towards the walking dead is much more annoyance and much less fear.

 

Fear she has plenty for the living. Those are the ones that do the most damage.

 

She scans around and hisses for Elyza to hurry up, hand tightening on her ax. Her eyes dart furiously one way and the other until she finally pinpoints the sound and, a second later, she sees a small group of infected coming from around the corner at the other end of the block.

 

“Elyza!” she calls out again, not too loud so as to not attract their attention immediately.

 

When she still doesn’t get a reply she starts to feel that familiar tinge of fear and she quickly makes her way through the driveway and back to the house, heart pounding in her chest.

 

“Liz!”

 

Her eyes dart in every direction, ax unconsciously raised in preparation. She takes quiet steps through the house and panics when she doesn’t find her, quickly moving across the house toward the back.

 

“Elyza! Where are you?”

 

She hears muffled grunting and she speeds off instantly toward the sound, heart in her throat when she reaches the back door and sees Elyza fighting off a small horde of infected in the backyard and she takes a moment to curse whoever decided that they didn’t need a fence around their house.

 

She frantically tries to open the door and swears loudly when she realizes it’s locked, probably what Elyza had been doing when she was ambushed. Only the _idiot_ was supposed to do that from the inside!

 

Alicia runs at full speed to the front door and around the house, swiftly bashing an infected’s skull in as she gets to the backyard, feeling absolutely nothing but a determination to help her— Elyza, to help _Elyza_.

 

“Fuck, Lyza!” she hisses as she heads over to fend off another infected. “You should’ve called me!”

 

Elyza just keeps on stabbing as many as she can through the eye with one hand while with the other she bashes their heads with a hammer.

 

“I didn’t want to make noise and put you in danger,” she casually says, as if she’s not fighting five infected at the same time.

 

Alicia huffs out in frustration and bashes the next head with particular strength.

 

“So you thought you being dead would spare me?” she snarks angrily.

 

“Oh, come one! It’s only a couple, I can handle them,” she says smugly, barely out of breath while she kills one and then another.

 

Alicia rolls her eyes and pants heavily as she curses under her breath.

 

She’s breathing heavily when they finally stop and looks around in disgust at the grass full of corpses in various states of decay.

 

“Right, so next time I guess I’ll just wait patiently while you get yourself killed, huh?” Alicia snarks in exasperation, rolling her eyes, turning away and heading toward the bike at the front of the house.

 

“Aw don’t be like that, love,” Elyza says as she jogs lightly to catch up to Alicia’s furious steps.

 

Alicia shakes her off when Elyza tries to touch her arm, staring straight ahead and only moving her eyes to sweep the street for the other walkers she’d seen before, who have thankfully decided to move on in the opposite direction.

 

“Alicia…”

 

“Let’s go,” she says curtly, sitting on the bike and refusing to look at Elyza.

 

Elyza sighs and looks at her for a while before relenting and getting on the bike.

Alicia spends the next twenty minutes fuming, heart still racing at the memory of Elyza surrounded by a horde of infected. She tries in vain to control her breathing, but the best result she gets is a furious panting.

 

When they get to the house Elyza tries again to get her to talk but Alicia just ignores her and carries her load of supplies straight to the kitchen before making her way to the upstairs bathroom and locking herself in.

 

And then she cries.

 

The adrenaline is finally leaving her and she’s sweating cold with fear, her heart still beating frantically. It was one of the scariest moments of her life, and she doesn’t actually know _why_.

 

She’s been through worst technically, ever since this whole shitshow started, but looking through that door and seeing Elyza and not being able to get to her immediately… It was fear like she’d never felt before.

 

The only time she’s felt something similar to it was in her dreams when Costia disappeared and Lexa was barely more than a shell of a person for weeks, running on nothing but adrenaline and the little food Anya or Gustus would practically have to force down her throat.

 

But it was different. Lexa _loved_ Costia, and Alicia cared for her also, how could she not? She’d watched as Lexa fell in love with her, watched the devolvement of their whole relationship.

 

But that can’t— It’s not the same. It _can’t_ be the same. She likes Elyza, sure. She’s maybe even a bit infatuated by her, but she doesn’t… She can’t, right? No. It’s not the same. She should have no reason to have feared so much for her life.

 

It’s not the same.

 

She washes her face furiously with cold water, mildly annoyed that the water is not as icy as she needs it. _Damn you, Texan heat!_

 

Her reflection is not the most pleasant sight but considering that the dead are walking, she doesn’t think she’ll be the worst thing to look at today.

 

When she opens the door she hears a heavy thud and jumps back in fright, only to find Elyza slumped on the floor looking at her comically.

 

Alicia raises an eyebrow at her and Elyza gives her a sheepish smile.

 

“Sorry?” she squeaks out hopefully and Alicia just rolls her eyes.

 

“What for?” Alicia snarks as she steps over her and heads back downstairs. “You clearly didn’t need my help, right?”

 

“Alicia…” Elyza pleads as she follows her down the steps. “I just wanted to protect you.”

 

“So you’ve said.”

 

“I could handle it.”

 

“You’ve said that, too.”

 

“So why are you angry?”

 

Alicia ignores her and starts unpacking the supplies, movements curt and angry as she opens cupboard doors and puts the food inside.

 

“Love—”

 

“Stop it,” Alicia hisses.

 

Elyza blinks owlishly. “What?”

 

“If you actually cared about me you wouldn’t have done that,” Alicia snaps.

 

Elyza looks at her with confusion. “Of course I care about you, Leesh.”

 

“Sure didn’t look like it.”

 

“I—”

 

“What it _looked_ like,” Alicia continues, cutting her off, jars crashing heavily on the shelves, “Was that you couldn’t be bothered about leaving me alone.”

 

“That’s not—”

 

Alicia scoffs derisively. “No? Then why would you choose to risk your life instead of asking for my help?”

 

“I didn't—”

 

“You did!” Alicia yells out in furry. “You _did_ need help! There were over twenty of them, Liz! You may be good but you’re not _that_ good! And then what? You die and I just move on like— like—”

 

She realizes dejectedly that she’s started sobbing which is why her words aren’t coming out and she angrily turns around and swipes at her tears to no avail.

 

She takes a deep, heavy breath and jumps slightly when she feels arms embracing her from behind. She almost struggles at first but then sighs heavily and leans back, allowing Elyza’s comforting embrace to ground her, to calm her down.

 

Slowly, her sobs turn to mere tears which eventually stop, and Elyza turns her around and holds her tightly, a protective hand on her head caressing her hair.

 

Alicia is still furious with her, but she feels her arms closing around her waist regardless, seeking the comforting knowledge that she’s alive, she’s here, she's okay. She’s _real_.

 

“Don’t do that again,” she threatens firmly.

 

Elyza nods and squeezes her tighter. “I won’t. Promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

There truly is something about them and rooftops.

 

Who knows? Maybe it’s the illusion of solitude, giving them a glimpse of what the world would be like if they were the only ones there. Maybe it’s the perception that the rest of the world seems so tiny in comparison, as if they’re the only ones that truly matter. Or maybe it’s the fantasy that up there, with only the sky above their heads, the problems of the world won’t affect them, or maybe they can even go so far as to pretend, for a moment, that the world isn’t ending and that they’re not struggling every day for survival in a world that is actively trying to kill them. That they’re safe.

 

Or maybe it’s just a freaking roof and they like to be up there together.

 

Who's to say what the truth is?

 

Either way, rooftops seem to equate with important moments in their relationship. Seems only fitting, then, that the moment Alicia comes to the realization that she is, in fact, in love with Elyza, she would be sitting on a rooftop.

 

Elyza is lying down next her, hands folded behind her head as she stares at the sky. Alicia was staring at the stars as well, that is until she turns and decides that the worthiest view is right beside her. Cliché as fuck, right? She almost rolls her eyes at herself.

 

But yes. She looks at Elyza and she realizes that it was nothing other than pointless to try to fight the pull between them.

 

They dream about their counterparts in a parallel universe for crying out loud, it’s not like the universe can get any more obvious than that.

 

Still, she struggled, she refused to acknowledge the relevance of their connection, was determined not to let her in, not to be vulnerable. She and Lexa may share the same problem in that department, she muses wryly.

 

And even Elyza’s obnoxious non-stop flirting, Alicia knows, is her own kind of defense mechanism, just like her own snarky attitude. It’s Elyza’s way of making light of the situation, of overdoing it so that she doesn’t let on just how much she actually means it.

 

After all, it’s all a bit much, isn’t it? It’s one thing to have someone come into your life and slowly latch on to your heart (and her heart twitches painfully at the thought of Matt), but it’s quite another to literally be thrown into your— soulmate? Is that a thing?

 

It’s a lot to take in. Who’s to say that they’re actually meant to be, anyway? Who makes these rules? Who decides that Elyza is the perfect match for her just like Clarke is for Lexa? Who decides that she gets to fall in love with her twice, in reality, and in her dreams?

 

She wants a choice. Whatever happened to regular people who fall in love with their college sweetheart and get married and have 2.5 kids and live unhappily ever after in the same cookie-cutter suburb? She could’ve been one of those people, dammit. She could’ve had a perfectly mediocre life, she doesn’t need an epic love story that crosses universes.

 

She especially doesn’t need to be in an apocalyptic world where they never know where the next day will take them and she has to constantly worry about the woman she loves. She really doesn’t need to go to sleep and have restless dreams full of worry for a woman she betrayed and is now being hunted by a bunch of bounty hunters and a cruel ice queen.

 

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned dreamless rest? Whatever happened to living a simple life?

 

Alas, this is the life she gets.

 

She wants to complain, she wants to argue and curse and snark and sneer. She wants to demand her choice, her free will. She wants to be able to decide for herself.

 

She doesn’t. She can’t. No, because, fight as she may, she _did_ choose.

 

Elyza came strolling into her life and Alicia _chose_ her, from the moment their eyes met. Much like Lexa chose Clarke. It’d be easy to say that they snuck up on them, that both her and Lexa were caught off guard. That’d be a lie.

 

It wasn’t magical, it wasn’t heart-stopping, it’s wasn’t rainbows and butterflies and whatever other poetical nonsense those cheesy romances call it. But it was… _something_. It was a feeling, and it felt _right_. It was a recognition, an “Oh, there you are”, or a “You’re real” like Elyza said. It was a feeling, a certainty that this person is the one that can make you the happiest, that she can make you feel whole. And from then on it was a choice.

 

She could’ve chosen not to fall for her, she could’ve. It would’ve been hard to choose, but not that hard to do. All she had to do was leave, simple as that. She could’ve left and there was no way Elyza would’ve found her again, not with the world like it is.

 

But she didn’t. Because she has a choice, and she chooses her. She chooses to be vulnerable and she chooses to open herself up for the possibility of epic.

 

Maybe she wasn’t cut out for average after all.

 

She sighs heavily and Elyza turns to look at her curiously, brow cocked and lips curled in a soft smile.

 

She’s breathtaking.

 

Alicia looks at her for a bit, gathering her resolve, and then she just leans in.

 

She kisses her slowly, savoring the feel and taste of her lips. It’s familiar, they had kissed in their dreams before after all (or Lexa and Clarke had) but it’s also new and exciting and _real_ , more so than it ever was in the dream. She feels everything this time because _she_ is the one kissing Elyza, her feelings aren’t toned down by the dream haze. Her skin is electric, heating up at the touch of Elyza’s hands on her waist, her tongue explores softly, her lips caress gently, and she loses herself in the feeling of Elyza until she has to come up for air.

 

She looks at her dazedly through hooded eyes and Elyza licks her lips softly before breaking out into a grin.

 

“You were right, it wasn’t the same. This was much better,” Elyza says with a teasing sparkle in her eyes.

 

Alicia smacks her lightly but chuckles, all nervousness gone.

 

“I suppose it was better than average,” she teases and Elyza gasps in outrage.

 

“Oh, I’ll show you just how much better than—”

 

Alicia cuts her off with another kiss and she can feel Elyza grin smugly into it.

 

Fuck. She may have to reconsider the applicability of the butterfly metaphor to their situation. She sure does feel some sort of tumult in her stomach. Maybe she’ll go with a swarm of mosquitos as an analogy, annoying and persistent, just like Elyza.

 

“Hmm, okay, I take it back,” Alicia says with a smile and Elyza beams.

 

“Told you I’m awesome,” she replies smugly and Alicia rolls her eyes.

 

“Don’t make me regret this,” she threatens jokingly.

 

“You couldn’t resist me even if you tried, admit it.”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes again and does her best to contain her smile but it slips through her grasp.

 

“I may be slightly fond of you,” she relents, pecking her gently.

 

Elyza grins brightly and cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? Only slightly?”

 

“Well, you are particularly insufferable,” she teases, “Like a mosquito.” Elyza gasps in offense and Alicia laughs heartily. “But I suppose I’ve learned how to live with you, I just have to ignore the buzzing.”

 

Elyza smacks her playfully and Alicia only laughs harder at the outrage on her face.

 

“Fine, fine” she concedes with a squeal when Elyza starts tickling her relentlessly. “Stop! Stop. Please,” she begs in between laughs and squeals as she tries to escape the tickling. “I like you, I like you!”

 

Elyza stops then, a smug smirk on her face and Alicia pants heavily as she calms down.

 

“I knew you liked me,” she teases cockily. “I’m irresistible.”

 

“Well, I am sort of stuck with you,” she jokingly replies. “Kind of can’t get a break from your face.”

 

Elyza laughs but it starts to sound a bit off as it dwindles down and Alicia looks at her curiously, reaching to touch her cheek with her hand. Elyza smiles but it doesn’t fully reach her eyes and Alicia frowns in concern.

 

“Hey… I was joking,” she reassures her with a soft smile.

 

Elyza nods but looks down and bites her lip gently.

 

Alicia’s frown deepens as she takes in the sudden change in mood. She sits up and faces Elyza, who leans on her forearms and looks back at the night sky.

 

“What’s wrong?” she gently probes and Elyza just gives her the same fake smile and shakes her head. Alicia reaches again for her face and makes her look at her, unsettled by the doubt in her eyes. “Tell me.”

 

“Is this real?” Elyza finally asks, voice small and fearful, so unlike the brave persona she puts out for the world to see.

 

“Us?” Alicia asks, starting to have an inkling of what might be bothering her.

 

Elyza nods and bites her lip again. “Yeah. Do you like _me_ me, or is it some sort of spillover from the dreams? Some of Lexa’s feelings mixing with our lives…”

 

She closes her eyes then, as if afraid to look at Alicia and see the truth she doesn’t want to confront and she sighs heavily, feeling as old as Lexa and the commanders in her head.

 

She repositions herself so that she’s lying practically on top of Elyza who makes a surprised sound at the unexpected contact.

 

“This whole thing is weird, Liz, there’s no denying it, but what I feel is definitely real and they are _my_ feelings.”

 

Elyza looks at her and nods but there’s still a hesitancy in her eyes. Alicia takes a deep breath and tries to think of the best way to explain.

 

“Okay, so,” she starts, hands waving around as she tries to make her point. “You’ve been in Clarke’s head since forever, right?”

 

“Yes,” Elyza replies, seemingly unsure as to where the conversation is going.

 

Alicia nods and smiles gently. “Right, so have I. Which means that for all of Lexa’s little crushes, I’ve been right there with her. When she fell in love with Costia, I was right there with her.”

 

Elyza frowns, clearly displeased with the point she’s trying to make. “And this is supposed to make me feel better how?”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes fondly and leans up on her elbow to face her better.

 

“ _She_ fell in love, Elyza, not me. I liked Costia, of course, I even loved her in a way, but not…not the same. It wasn’t me. I was just watching Lexa’s life. All the people in her life, they became sort of my family, too, but it’s not actually _me_. You get that, right?” she prompts and Elyza nods. “How about Clarke’s life? She must have had relationships before. There was Finn that I know of, but there must have been others. Were you in love with them?”

 

Elyza shakes her head vehemently and chuckles. “Hell no, I’m as gay as they come, love. Like an 8 on the Kinsey scale. Being her while she slept with guys was cringy as fuck,” she says with an exaggerated shudder. “I’ve mastered the art of forcefully waking up from that type of nightmare.”

 

Alicia laughs and flicks her nose playfully.

 

“You get it then. It’s not the same. This,” she says pointing between them, “This is real. This is _us_.”

 

Elyza smiles and kisses her gently and Alicia hums contently, resting her head on her chest and listening to her heartbeat.

 

After a while Elyza speaks again, tone slightly hesitant.

 

“What about Clarke?”

 

Alicia stays still and feels her heart beating rapidly in her chest. “What about her?”

 

“Lexa’s feelings… Are they as clear cut from yours?” she cautiously asks and Alicia swallows hard.

 

“What about Lexa?” she questions back and feels Elyza release a heavy sigh.

 

“It feels different,” she finally replies and Alicia exhales a shaky breath. “She’s a lot like you.”

 

Alicia nods. “Clarke is a lot like you, as well.”

 

It feels like a confession of sorts, half-worded and hidden behind obvious statements as it is.

 

They decide to leave it at that, both unwilling, it seems, to dig into that particular issue at the moment.

 

Later, when they’re both cuddled in bed, Alicia running soothing patterns on Elyza’s arm with her fingernails, she feels the need to make sure there’ll be no doubts.

 

“Even without the dreams, Lyza, I would still feel this,” she whispers into the night, and she feels Elyza tense up before she releases a breath and curls further into her, kissing the top of her head.

 

“I would fall for you in every world, Leesh.”

 

* * *

 

She wakes up with Elyza thrashing and then suddenly sitting up with a gasp.

 

Alicia leans on her forearms and looks at her quizzically.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Elyza looks back at her and there’s a visible flush to her cheeks and she clears her throat and runs a dismissive hand through her hair.

 

“Oh, nothing, hun. Clarke just got kidnaped,” she adds lightly and Alicia raises a questioning brow.

 

“Roan?”

 

Elyza nods and hums contemplatively. “I think so, he fit your description.”

 

She still looks cagey though, avoiding Alicia’s eyes and her cheeks are still bright red.

 

“What else?” Alicia prompts firmly, suspicion rising in her.

 

“Oh. Uh. Well,” she starts cautiously, playing with her cuticles. “Uh. Well.”

 

“Spit it out, Liz,” Alicia says impatiently.

 

“Clarke slept with someone,” Elyza quickly blurts out, eyes wide with apprehension.

 

Alicia’s heart does a little stop and twist thing as if it’s trying out some new break dance moves and she blinks quickly, licking her lips and sitting up on the bed as well.

 

“I see.”

 

Elyza looks at her questioningly. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

 

Alicia nods and starts to get up, ignoring the sudden nausea she feels at the image of her Clarke — _Lexa’s_ Clarke — or, more accurately, her own person Clarke — sleeping with some blurry faced person.

 

“What else am I supposed to say?” Alicia asks lightly, though she can’t quite hide the shrill from her tone. “She’s a woman now, she’s got her needs. She’s not in a relationship with Lexa, she’s free to do whatever she wants. I have no say in the matter. None whatsoever.”

 

“Seems like you have a lot to say actually,” Elyza points out with a small fearful smile starting to grow on her lips and Alicia’s eyes narrow at her.

 

“Nope. Nothing at all,” she reiterates through gritted teeth before making her way to the bathroom and a much necessary shower where she very effectively avoids thinking about certain blondes sleeping with other people when she hasn’t even done anything more than kissing with them. With her. With both. _Ugh_.

 

Nope. She is very efficiently redirecting her thoughts to effective ways to murder someone through dreams. Much more productive, she’d say.

 

Elyza is waiting for her downstairs when she comes back, with breakfast on the table and a placating smile on her face.

 

“I know you don’t actually care,” she says appeasingly and Alicia’s eyes narrow when her smile starts to turn slightly teasing. “But for what it’s worth, it was just sex.”

 

Alicia huffs and stabs the sausage on her plate with more strength than necessary.

 

“Great.”

 

Elyza’s smile grows and she tries to control it when Alicia glares at her but she’s not very successful.

 

“It was just to have some sort of connection,” she continues. “She’s been alone in the woods for like three months.”

 

Alicia snorts and forcefully shoves a forkful in her mouth, snarkily grumbling between bites. “Connection, sure. Right. How about some solo connection? Oh, I don’t know, let’s stick to kissing, shall we? Pft. Connection my ass. _We_ had a fucking connection.”

 

Elyza laughs heartily then, clearly amused at Alicia’s torment and Alicia pins her with a glare until she quiets down, though that insufferable smirk is still plastered on her lips.

 

“Oh you liked it, did you?” Alicia asks with her eyes narrowed. “Let me guess, was it a girl this time?”

 

It’s petty. Yes, she knows this. She’s also being completely unreasonable. She’s still flipping unhappy with the situation. They have a freaking _soul_ connection for crying out loud! Couldn’t Clarke try to be a bit more considerate? It’s more a four-way relationship, they can’t just go around willy-nilly kissing random people when they’ve found each other.

 

It is _not_ cool.

 

Elyza grins slyly and Alicia only huffs louder. “She was hot,” she says with a shrug, wiggling her brows to get a rise out of her and Alicia, stupid idiot that she is with no coffee in her system, falls for it. Granted, she hasn’t had coffee in a really long time, which might explain her more peculiar decisions. Like hooking up with backstabbing blondes.

 

Okay, okay. Too much. But she’s still damn angry.

 

“Oh, was she? So maybe you wanna go out there and see if we can find this world’s version of ‘hot girl’?” she snarks furiously.

 

“Definitely not, babe, why would I want to do that when I have you right here?” Elyza counters smoothly and Alicia is not impressed. (She’s _not_.) Or placated.

 

She turns her nose haughtily to the side and stabs at her food again, utterly unimpressed.

 

“Aw, babe, don’t be like that,” Elyza coos and Alicia only gets more irritated. “Who knew you were the jealous type?”

 

“Nothing to be jealous about,” Alicia uselessly points out and Elyza just chuckles.

 

“You’re right. There isn’t,” she says softly. “Because Clarke is definitely not over Lexa and I am very into you,” she adds with a genuine smile.

 

And okay. Maybe that does placate her a bit. Though she’s still not happy and feels very vengeful on Lexa’s behalf. Maybe she _should_ go out looking for the mystery woman’s counterpart in this world.

 

“Whatever,” Alicia says mutely, shoving a forkful in her mouth.

 

Elyza just smirks and shakes her head and slouches lazily back on her chair while she eats her own breakfast with amusement all over her stupidly beautiful face.


	4. Chapter 4

Alicia is not having a good day. Or more accurately, she’s not having a good week.

 

First, there was the whole Clarke sleeping with another woman which made her angrier than would be reasonable. She’s not dating Clarke. She definitely doesn’t have any reason to be jealous. She is _not_ jealous. Nope.

 

Admittedly, she might be feeling a little too much of Lexa’s emotions, which is the only plausible justification for her reaction. She’s sticking to that idea.

 

But she’s over it now. She has Elyza. Not that they’re dating either. She doesn’t actually know what they are, to be honest. On the one hand, they have this weird soul connection, have spent the past almost four months together. Kissing was a recent development; feelings not so recently developed. It’s complicated. But she does have Elyza, whatever that means.

 

Second, her week could’ve been going much better if only Clarke would stop being so stubborn and just talked to Lexa. But no. Of course not. That would just be too easy. Instead, it’s been a fun couple of days being tortured in her dreams with the knowledge that Clarke is a few rooms away from Lexa but they can’t see her. As if the constant worrying that overwhelmed Lexa’s every thought for the past three months wasn’t enough.

 

Honestly, where can one apply for new dream scenarios? Or some dream therapy, perhaps?

 

If only the world hadn’t fallen to shambles. 

 

And, finally, to top off her crappy past few days, they had moved out and were now on the hunt for a good resting place for the next few weeks. Months if they were lucky. It didn’t seem like luck was on their side so far.

 

On the first day, they had run into a group of thieves. Alicia’s actually not so sure about calling them thieves, aren’t they all thieves at the end of the day in this new world? Scavengers for sure. Anyway, those other thieves were trouble, at least that’s established because they weren’t happy with just looking for supplies in empty houses. Oh no, apparently that was too much trouble. Much easier was to just take things directly from people who were just trying to go on their merry way. Fucking unethical assholes. Whatever happened to honor among thieves?

 

Anyway, at least that didn’t turn out too bad. Alicia was definitely still holding onto her old-world morals and was a bit iffy with the whole killing thing. Elyza had no such compunctions and she just shrugged it off and claimed that “If those fuckers think they can take advantage of the next couple of innocent-looking girls they see they have another thing coming.” And by another thing, she apparently meant the barrel end of her gun. Well. They did try to kill them first, Alicia supposes, so she can’t fault her.

 

The second and third days of traveling weren’t so bad. A few infected here and there, easily dealt with. Who knew she’d ever come to a point in her life where she didn’t even bat an eye at coming face to face with gruesome walking corpses. Huh.

 

But now, it is the fourth day, they are in some little town in the middle of Fuckwhere, Arizona, and Alicia is decidedly having a real shitty day.

 

“Where the fuck are they coming from?” Alicia shouts, her ax getting a bit stuck in some infected’s skull and she has to tug a few times to pull it out. A bit of gory matter comes out with a disgusting _slush_ and the only reaction from her brain is _gross_. Not even a little bit of gaging. Not even the threat of her stomach deciding to empty its meager contents.

 

Oh, how she misses her sweet, innocent days.

 

There’s a whole horde coming at them so Alicia barely has time to gather her thoughts before the next infected tries to reach her.

 

She’s not even sure how they ended up having to face over a hundred ex-humans, to be honest. One moment they were busy scavenging for supplies in a practically empty grocery store, the next they come out and the streets are packed with a wave of migrating dead.

 

To be fair, they might have possibly gotten distracted by each other's lips and other body parts and not noticed the time flying by. It has been known to happen. Elyza does have very kissable lips, it’s not like Alicia can be blamed for losing herself in them. She also has an amazing body to go with, so really, it’s like the world itself is conspiring to get Alicia off track.

 

“Let’s get outta here, Leesh!”

 

Alicia hears more than sees Elyza stabbing the next infected, too busy dealing with her own pair of hungry corpses to afford the distraction.

 

“I think it’s safe to say that’s the goal, Lyza.”

 

“Save me the fucking snark for another time.” Despite her words, Alicia can practically hear the smile in her voice and it does things to her.

 

Alicia rolls her eyes, a few more skulls bashed in the process. Some blood splatters onto her face and she spits out a bit that went into her mouth with added disgust.

 

“Jesus. Have the decency to die without causing a fucking mess, will you?”

 

Great. Now she talks to dead people. Her life is going just awesome.

 

“Let’s go, Alicia!”

 

Elyza’s voice is closer and Alicia spares her a side look to see her struggling with a particularly vicious one who’s determined to bite her.

 

She will blame it on the heat of the moment, the adrenaline of being overwhelmed by too many infected to count, but at this moment all she knows is that her Elyza is _this_ close to being food and she is not having it.

 

She swiftly cracks two skulls on her way to Elyza and almost trips over a corpse on her rush to get to her. Her gun is on her hand even before she knows what she’s about to do, but apparently, her body has decided before her brain gave permission and the loud bang reverberates across the buildings with an almost deafening echo.

 

The corpse falls to the floor and Alicia has a clear view of an open-mouthed Elyza, her short hair and face streaked with blood.So is all of her, really, she notices as her eyes drift unconsciously down in a quick sweep to make sure she’s alright.

 

“ _Shit_ , Leesh!”

 

They’re quickly distracted by the continuous inflow of hungry infected, but not enough that Alicia doesn’t have the brain space to berate herself for her stupidity. Or for Elyza to do so verbally.

 

Elyza moves on to fight off the next infect all the while lecturing her. “Jesus! You know not to use guns, Alicia! Did you hear how loud that was?”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes but it’s more of an automatic thing than anything else. She knows Elyza is right.

 

“He was too close to you.”

 

“And I could’ve handled it!”

 

Elyza angrily bashes a skull in with a baseball bat and her strike is so vicious that the corpse flies off a bit before clumping down on the ground.

 

Alicia is sad to note that she may fall into the stereotypical category of women who have a thing for a strong, badass partner. It’s a problem that goes very much against her feminist beliefs. Alas, her body has a different opinion. It’s _hot_.

 

“I couldn’t take the risk!” Alicia snaps back because no matter how sexy Elyza is when she’s fighting off dead people, it’s still not enough to distract her from the fact that she will absolutely not let anything happen to her. She just can’t.

 

“Well, now you probably attracted every infected in a ten-kilometer radius!”

 

“I’m American, I don’t understand the metric system!” Alicia shouts in exasperation, hoping that the little jest will make Elyza ease up a bit on her anger. “Besides, we’re already surrounded, what difference does a few more make?”

 

Elyza just groans loudly and continues to kill her share of infected while they steadily make their retreat.

 

Alicia follows her as well but loses her footing and trips, falling back into a viscous thing.

 

Ew. Ew. _Ew_.

 

“Leesh!”

 

Elyza’s shriek is probably louder than the gunshot was, Alicia almost points out but restrains from that particular comment due to the ridiculous number of infected currently trying to eat her. And not in the good way either.

 

She awkwardly tries to stand up but she keeps slipping on the blood and her only option is to unsteadily try to retreat while at the same time trying to get her footing, with one hand busy holding onto her ax for dear life and staying the hell away from the walking corpses.

 

She finally steadies herself against a wall and begins to hack at whatever she can reach but she feels herself starting to panic when the number of infected doesn’t seem to dwindle and she is literally backed up again a wall.

 

She’s fucked.

 

She hears Elyza’s grunts and hacks but she can’t see her and she’s too scared of being bitten to chance a look away from too many rotting teeth.

 

“Just hold on, babe. I’m coming!”

 

In another situation she knows Elyza would be saying that with a cocky smirk and some heavy winking for her innuendo, but this time her voice is frantic, sounding as scared as Alicia feels.

 

Holding on is easier said than done, she feels the need to point out.

 

“Fuck this shit,” she hears Elyza mutter. Next thing she knows, there’s a rain of gunshot around them and Alicia releases a little embarrassing squeak in surprise.

 

“Get down, Alicia!”

 

Getting down is _not_ what she wants to do now. But regardless of her feelings about being surrounded by a tower of infected, she does so.

 

Clutching her own gun in her right hand while dropping the ax, Alicia manages a somewhat decent job at finishing off a few infected while Elyza keeps on shooting them from behind her.

 

It seems like an eternity later, probably because she was _this_ close to being a food item and her heart may never return back to normal sinus rhythm, that the gunshot finally stops and Alicia dares to get up, her face contorting in immediate disgust as she shoves off a few corpses off of her. She doesn’t even want to know the state her hair is in. She can practically _feel_ the blood dripping into her pores.

 

“Oh. When did that happen?” she asks, eyes moving from Elyza’s exhausted and relieved face to the newly arrived figures standing just at the edge of the field of bodies. She hadn’t even paid attention to the extra gunshots but it’s clear that they had intervened because they’re holding a variety of guns.

 

Also, they are two very familiar faces.

 

And definitely not from this world.

 

“You weren’t exactly trying to be conspicuous with all that gunshot, were you? We could hear you all the way back in Phoenix.”

 

Alicia rolls her eyes. Raven. Or this world’s version of Raven. Still a smart-mouth, it would seem.

 

Alicia shares a look with Elyza who’s quickly making her way to her, carelessly stepping over corpses with a few too many squishing and slurping sounds for Alicia’s stomach.

 

Elyza engulfs her in a tight hug, relief evident in every fiber of her, and Alicia eagerly returns it, her heart rate finally starting to slow down. She feels safe; Elyza always makes her feel safe.

 

Elyza kisses her fiercely and Alicia’s protests are muffled between her lips. “I’m all gross and gory, Lyza!”

 

“Don’t care.” She kisses her again and Alicia feels herself succumb to it without another fight, delighting in the feeling of comfort she provides.

 

“Alright, lovebirds. We should get our asses out of here before any more walkers come our way. God knows we made enough noise to attract everyone in the whole state!”

 

 _Anya_. Alicia feels her heart constrict at the sight of her while her brain tells her that it’s obviously not her, just like Elyza is not Clarke and Alicia is not Lexa. But it sure _looks_ like her. The same cockiness, the same exasperation when dealing with Lexa’s, or in this case Alicia’s antics, the same aloof expression. It may not be her, but Alicia is seeing someone that was her mentor, her _friend_ , in another world, and her heart feels warm at the sight.

 

She has half a mind to leap over to her and hug the hell out of her, something even Lexa would never do. Obviously, she’s got a bit more sense than that, so she tries to school in her features and not let the shock of seeing either of them be too visible.

 

“It’s weird, I know,” Eliza says, voice quiet and only for her ears as she grasps her hand firmly and leads her away from the array of bodies on the road.

 

It’s a tricky process, trying to walk without stepping on any body parts or fluids, and when they finally reach not-Anya and Raven she knows that she’ll have to find new shoes soon because she can literally feel her toes wet with blood and who knows what else.

 

“Thanks for the help,” Elyza says, giving them her trademark charming smile. “I’m Elyza, this is Alicia.”

 

“Lyndsey,” not-Raven says with a warm smile. “Grumpypants over her is Dychen.”

 

Not-Anya just sends her a glare, a very Anya-like glare, Alicia notes with amusement and unbelievable fondness. “It’s just Dy.”

 

Lyndsey laughs teasingly and Elyza smirks. Alicia knows better than to antagonize either world’s version of Anya so she keeps her features perfectly collected.

 

They head off together, Dy and Lyndsey telling them that they’ve been staying in an encampment a few miles away from town and that they’re welcome to join them if they need to rest for a while. Apparently, they were also on a supply run when they heard the gunshot and decided to see what the commotion was about.

 

Ordinarily, Alicia would be the first one to say hell no to that offer and Elyza would follow suit just a second behind, but the truth is, even without knowing these versions of their friends from another world, they trust them. Alicia can’t imagine a world where Anya/Dy isn’t someone she can trust with her life. It might be biased, there are a million reasons while it might not be a good idea to follow two otherwise complete strangers, but she just has this feeling that it’s okay. That they are all coming into each other’s lives for a reason.

 

Damn, she’s gone so cliché in the last few months. She blames Elyza.

 

They follow on their bike while Lyndsey and Dy go ahead on their pickup. It’s a twenty-minute drive down some gravely old dusty road, not the best traveling done on a motorcycle, to be honest, but considering that she’s completely covered in blood and gore, what’s a bit of dust gonna do?

 

They arrive at a farm, dust settling in a wave around them, and Alicia squints and covers her eyes with her hand to see better. There’s a big gate in front of them which Lyndsey is opening up and a vast field opening up in front of them. It’s completely surrounded, as far as she can see, by a big electrified fence.

 

Lyndsey closes the gate and then hops on the car and they follow them again to the front of the house. They pass a lot of fields on the way and she spots a few figures working them in the distance.

 

They park and Alicia has a proper look around when she removes her helmet. It’s a big farmhouse, colonial style, well taken care of by the looks of it. There are a few outhouses surrounding it, and she spots a few tractors to one side and a henhouse next to it if the noise is anything to go by.

 

She and Elyza share a look, both clearly impressed, and they follow the other two to the house.

 

In retrospect, she should have guessed that if they found two of their friends they might have found more as well, but she didn’t actually stop to think about it on the drive over. And even if she did, she doesn’t think she would ever consider that they might be all living under the same roof. Well, not all, but quite a few of them.

 

There’s Octavia who is Maria and Lincoln who is Rick, Bellamy is Rob and Luna is Nadya. There are others who Lexa never met so Alicia doesn’t recognize, but Elyza tells her discretely. There’s Monty who is Chris and Wells is Ely and Niylah is Jess.

 

Yes, apparently _that_ Niylah. Alicia wasn’t actually serious when she mentioned going looking for her, so that is an unexpectedly awkward moment. Frankly, she doesn’t feel nearly as jealous seeing her in person, and especially not after Elyza doesn’t give her more than a pleasant smile. Which is good, because Alicia is not nearly as stupid as Lexa and she is not planning on letting Elyza go off to sleep with other people anytime soon. Or ever, if it’s up to her.

 

And then, there’s someone she thought she would never see again, and her breath hitches so violently that the whole room turns to look at her and Elyza squeezes her hand and asks her if she’s okay with more than a little concern in her voice.

 

Alicia nods weakly and swallows the basketball-sized lump of emotion stuck in her throat and she offers Costia who is now Kat a smile which is hopefully only minimally pained.

 

And her heart rests, for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. They are here, the two most important people in the world for Lexa are here, with Alicia, and she feels that little — or sometimes not so — part of her that is Lexa settle.

 

Not for the first time, she wishes for Lexa to have the same sort of dreams she has. She wants her to be able to see the life that Alicia has and to know that the people she loves are with another version of her in another fucked up world. That they are all together and that they are okay. And will hopefully stay that way for a long time.


End file.
